In relation to my last post I received a bunch of questions from many co-workers today in regards to my eventual move. So of course living arrangements came up. I would say that 90% of the people I told or have mentioned to in the past that Daniel and I have decided not to live together before marriage have responded negatively.
Most commonly I was looked upon as though I had three heads, not two but THREE. I have been told that I’m stupid for doing that. After all, “how will you know you actually like him?” Yes, that’s an actual question I received. My response, “If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have said yes when he asked me to marry him.” I was told that “you never know someone until you live with them” Truth of that is that even living with them won’t always tell you who they are. Marriage is solely about commitment. The commitment to stick it out and be determined to not give up. Maybe you can’t stand your partner leaving their towel on the floor or squeezing the toothpaste in the middle, but you deal with it. And if those break your relationship than truth be told you’re either really uptight or you have other issues with the person you aren’t dealing with.
Fact is the divorce rate is higher in couples who lived together before marriage. Living together really doesn’t offer any benefits to the relationship other than financially. And while part of me wouldn’t mind living together before marriage due to our circumstances, we have been offered an alternative situation that will allow us to wait. And because of religious beliefs we will wait.
What gets me the most is the out right negativity I got for my choice. My choice that fifty years ago would have been the norm. I don’t look down one someone because they choose not to wait and I expect the same respect. If you don’t understand why I have chosen something, then ask me and discuss it. Don’t look down your nose at me as though you’re superior and try to degrade me. Personally, I look forward the offical-ness of moving in with each other after the wedding day. 🙂