What I over heard at work today….

I was checking out some people, a couple with two children. The oldest child was a boy about 8 or so. The youngest was a girl about 4. The boy went off to use the bathroom while his parents finished checking out. Shortly there after, the girl looks at her mother and says “Potty”. The mother says “Yes he went to the bathroom” (referring to the little girls brother) The girl then says “NO, I need to potty” The mothers response?…

“No you don’t! You have diaper on!”

Seriously?! Seriously…WTF.

Most children have to be potty trained before preschool. This child was well past the ability to be trained. In fact she was being for it. But the mother out of sheer laziness decided to hold back her daughter’s developmental growth.

I can only say a pray for that girl and her family. I fear for her for the rest of her life if that is how she is treated on a regular basis.

And what is wrong with people that they have stopped parenting? Children use to be a source of pride and joy for society. And now people just breed for the sheer ability of being able to. Or the lack of ability in prevention. They have children and then forget about them. There are very few people who are active participants in their children’s lives. That actually take the time and pleasure to grow their children into wonderful people.

No wonder people irritate me so much…they were forgotten about long ago. And now they don’t know how to act as adults.

I really need to learn that when that anger comes up towards adult that they were once children begging for attention they never got.

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Lies they tell you about being married…

“Don’t go to bed angry”

I find this to be one of those crazy lofty ideas that people feel bad that they can’t live up to. You always know at least one couple that will sit there and say the live by this motto. Personally, I think it’s a load a crap. And if you don’t believe then I want you to look at a tired kindergartner kid way past nappy nap time. The tantrums alone could be used as secrete weapons of defense in a world was.

I don’t know about you but the act of being tired and running on low is enough to make anyone cranky and pick a fight. And guess what? My husband and I are no different. Sleep is a very important part of life. It regulates your health, both physically AND mentally. And really the only time my husband and I really fight is when one or both of us has been over taxed and dealing with a lack of sleep.

With that being said putting off sleep to try to remedy a problem actually is counter intuitive as you end up suffering more loss in vital snooze time…only escalating the cranky factor.

You kinda feel like a bad person if you go to bed angry. And while you lay in bed waiting for your heart rate to come down so you can go to sleep you sit there and wonder “Am I a bad person cause I want to wait till tomorrow?” I say “NO” you’re not a bad person. You are reasonable and logical person. It’s smart to to take time and back away from a fight. Give both yourself and the other person some space to cool their heels. And an opportunity to not lash out just to be spiteful (cause you know at 2am you’re not thinking straight, right?)

So, I change the above statement to “Sleep on it”

Remember this isn’t only true for marriages but most relationship. You are allowed for “time outs” and a chance to think.

My Turkey Post

AKA What I’m Thankful for.

This was my first Thanksgiving! Ok not really, I’ve eaten turkey before. But it was my first thanksgiving with daniel and his family. It was my first thanksgiving as husband and wife. And the first thanksgiving ive ever cooked for!

It was a small event. My husband, mother-in-law, brother-in-law, and a friend of mine. We did it wednesday night due to my husband having to work today. We did a lot of cleaning and cooking yesterday. And to be honest it started off kinda rocky for us. I come from a family where pretty much my mom’s the only one cooking. So i felt stressed at that thought like the whole night rested on my shoulders. But the truth is my husband was wonderful helping in both cooking and cleaning. Next year I just have to remind myself before it gets to far into the day that I’m not alone in it and maybe it will go a bit smoother.

Our first turkey turned out great! And i was pretty pleased with everything else. As was everyone else i think. Atleast I haven’t heard of any food poising so that’s that least we can ask for.

So on to the praises. What I am thankful for? I am thankful for:
a job, one i may not be fond of but that pays the bills and right now thats important; a cozy little apartment; a hometown that i love and adore and fall a little in love with each day; three cats, one that sleeps onthe tub with me, one that crawls under blankets and another that follows me around, wonderful old friends that have stuck through time, some super awesome woman that have become great new friends that i admire and look up to; family that loves me; and above all a husband who i know will stick it out with me and love each day, who i dont think i coudl possibly love more but always find a way; and a God that shows me he cares every day and never turns his back on me even when i have to him.

Happy Thanksgiving (eat until you pop) Day

A week later…( orginally writen on oct 20th)

the pictures i posted from last week were from a wonderful date i had with my husband.

We traveled up the parkway, and I think i did very well, I have a deathly fear of heights ( yeah i know moving to the mountains was a smart move on that one). It was worth it though. We went to the Pisgah Inn for dinner. We got there right as the sun was setting which was a wee bit later then we had hoped. But it was still beautiful! My husband I perused the gift shop and grounds. He bought me an adorable metal owl. While we waited the 45 mins to be seated we went out on the porch to watch the last bits of the sun set. The air became chill rather quickly from there.

We went to grab a glass of wine from the little bar set up. Only after the bartender had poured both glasses did we find out that she only took cash. Of which between the two of us we only had about two dollars. since she was closing up she gave us a glass on her (i gave her my last two dollars feeling absolutly horrible about it)

When we finally sat down for dinner we were starving. There is a wall only of windows set up so you can enjoy the amazing view. which is what contributed the extended wait. However, at that point we could only view the dark in its vastness.

But I cant complain about it. The atmosphere was wonderful. The dim lights and warm room. Despite being packed in with many stangers i felt like i was there only with my husband. Which we needed. It had been some time since we had a date like that.

it’s good to pretend your on a first date, no matter how many others have come and gone since the first first date. its good to talk and learn about someone. And that’s something we always forget to do. When we’ve known someone for any amount of time we think we know them in and out. And it’s not true. We change. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’ve changed. As it was kinda explained to me, your favorties change, food, movies music. You don’t like the same things at 20 you did at 10. And the same goes for your spouse. And your friends for that matter. People think when you get married that you just know things. You function as team because you’re connected. When the truth is that it’s work. Tons of work. But it’s some of the most satisfying work out there.

Month One

As of Tuesday this week my husband and I have been married for a whole month. And despite being really busy and conflicting schedules and all it’s been pretty nice.

We did some apartment hunting in hopes a finding a place that would allow us to not have my storage units and to be able to do laundry at home and still be around the same price. And we found one! It’s a cute one bedroom and we will be moving in next week. It’s closer to my work, has a full kitchen (minus dish washer) and a laundry room area, which we need to find a washer/dryer for now. My only concern is the drive way area but the couple times i’ve been there I’m already getting use to it. Practice makes perfect. Though I’m a little worried about the winter, but that’s some time away. I’m going to have to get rid of ALOT of my stuff. And part of me is really ok with that. I’m kinda tired of being bogged down by things. Though when it comes to my art stuff I don’t think I’ll be able to part with any of it….that’s another topic.

I have to admit I haven’t been too kind in regards to our current living situation. In fact I guess I’ve been a bitch about it. We are renting part of basement and it’s a wee cramp. My husband has been wonderful though, putting up with me about it. When I started to freak out one night and the start of getting closterphobic he started to look for some place new for us. But even so, I”m still going to miss this area. Since we are moving closer to work it’s a different city and area. We won’t be far, but everything up on this end will be out of the way. 😦 But my husband is right, our time here will just be added to our already interesting story.

He talks about people having their story and how we have a good one. Just getting me to Asheville and our two year long distance relationship is it’s own. So now we enter a new chapter.

It’s funny though I’ve been thinking lately about other people’s stories. I want to write a story. I suck at writing. But I want to find my lost wit. And thinking of other people’s lives, building them from the ground up and fleshing them out. Using my imagination. I think that will help. In addition to that I’ve been craving art again. I can’t wait till the move has calmed down and I can maybe start a routine again for drawing and such. I don’t know where this is coming from. Be the fact that I’m happy with how my life is now, or just the general enviroment of the area, or the prospect of seeing my paint brushes again. Whatever it is I can’t wait to act on it!

unfortunately there isn’t much to talk about as far as the marriage front right now. Like I said we don’t get to see each other much. But I will say my favorite part is waking in the morning next to him and snuggling in his arms for a few minutes before i face my job for the day. Really it is the quite moments that are the best.

I have no idea how to respond to people when they ask “How’s married life?” I mean it’s married life. It’s wonderful and confusing. It’s soft and hard. Honestly, I told Daniel I feel that when I’m asked that people are secretly asking how my sex life is. Though I’m sure that’s not the case. Oh well. It’s pretty nice being happy!

2 more days!!!!!

I think I’m gonna scream. I’m not even really sure what I’m so nervous about. I mean I know I don’t do well with pre-planned social events. So yeah the whole being center of attention thing is playing with my nerves majorly. Then there is the worry about the logistics of it all, family, food, rain and such. Then deep down and underneth it all I’m deathly affraid that I won’t be a good wife. (actually, I finally figured that one out while typing) I guess that’s the one that is screwing with my emotions. It’s wonderful to think about my soon to be husband. And today we talked about his worries. And I feel horrible that I didnt see it sooner. I want to comfort him and I’ve realized how much I’ve screwed up already getting totally wrapped up in everything else.
I’m really doubting myselg right now. I know once we get past the actual wedding it will be fine. But right now I’m kinda high strung. Not that I don’t look forward to the wedding and everything, but I look more forward to Saturday night when everything finally settles in once we are alone.

I”m a little too rattle to really say too much right now. I”m sitting here worring about my parents, who are driving up right at this moment. I’m still breaking in my wedding shoe (second pair actually) And I’m deathly affraid of the last dress fitting.

Maybe it’s just been easier to focus on the possible dramas, and the physical demands then to deal with all the emotional things going on.

Only two more days…two more busy days.

Dirty Dancing is having a Good Relationship

I don’t know about you, but I love the movie Dirty Dancing. I grew up in the 80’s and was only a young child when this movie came out. I think I loved it because I was so young. Being a child watching it gave me the great opportunity to watch the movie with complete enchantment while avoiding all the “heavier aspects” of it. These “heavier aspects” are exactly why my fiance doesn’t like the movie.

But you know what? Despite that he still bought me the movie while he was out shopping the other day. And not only that, he said he would watch it with me too! I know this sounds terribly silly to be so excited about something so little. But this little thing means so much to me. And since I’m a girl I’m sure you realize that it’s not actually about the movie but some super secret underlining thing. And yes it is. It’s about the fact that he cares enough about to suffer through a movie he would rather not. The fact that he is not only willing to do this, but willing to do it all on his own. It really makes me feel like the luckiest girl ever. It’s when he does things like this that I truly see how much he cares about me.

I love those moments in life when it kinda hits me out of now that he really does love me. I’m not saying that I ever think he doesn’t or that I second guess it. It’s more like a week’s worth of emotions are balled up and I am hit with them all at once.

The thing is that this is what a relationship is about. It’s about watching a movie you don’t really want to because you know it makes them happy. It’s about putting someone else before you and for no other reason than because you care. I can only hope that I treat him as lovingly as he does me so that he never feels like it’s taken for granted.

When did morals become bad?

In relation to my last post I received a bunch of questions from many co-workers today in regards to my eventual move. So of course living arrangements came up. I would say that 90% of the people I told or have mentioned to in the past that Daniel and I have decided not to live together before marriage have responded negatively.
Most commonly I was looked upon as though I had three heads, not two but THREE. I have been told that I’m stupid for doing that. After all, “how will you know you actually like him?” Yes, that’s an actual question I received. My response, “If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have said yes when he asked me to marry him.” I was told that “you never know someone until you live with them” Truth of that is that even living with them won’t always tell you who they are. Marriage is solely about commitment. The commitment to stick it out and be determined to not give up. Maybe you can’t stand your partner leaving their towel on the floor or squeezing the toothpaste in the middle, but you deal with it. And if those break your relationship than truth be told you’re either really uptight or you have other issues with the person you aren’t dealing with.
Fact is the divorce rate is higher in couples who lived together before marriage. Living together really doesn’t offer any benefits to the relationship other than financially. And while part of me wouldn’t mind living together before marriage due to our circumstances, we have been offered an alternative situation that will allow us to wait. And because of religious beliefs we will wait.
What gets me the most is the out right negativity I got for my choice. My choice that fifty years ago would have been the norm. I don’t look down one someone because they choose not to wait and I expect the same respect. If you don’t understand why I have chosen something, then ask me and discuss it. Don’t look down your nose at me as though you’re superior and try to degrade me. Personally, I look forward the offical-ness of moving in with each other after the wedding day. 🙂

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